ramblings of one who thinks too much

I have come to a point in life when hardly anything truly gets me down.

There is just too much drama in this world and there is just too little of me.. I no longer want to spread myself so thin.

It doesn’t mean I care less.. I just tai chi it to a black hole or vortex of negativity away from me. Which essentially means you can throw as much shit at the fan as you want and I can be there to watch you, advise you, give you moral support etc, but I am also gonna stand under an umbrella and make sure none of your shit hits me.

Life is too short for unhappiness and honestly I have enough in my life to deal with. So you just gotta deal with your own problems on your own. It’s only fair.

I’ve put up with your bad behaviour for months now.

I thought you would have some decency to do something about it but clearly you don’t think our friendship, me, I am worth your time.

I did my best as a friend and I honoured you and our friendship. I cared.

You said you cared. You said I meant a lot to you. That I was special.. our friendship was special. Surely you haven’t forgotten. Or maybe you have chosen to.

Like her.. you decided to warp what we had because of public opinion. Social pressure.

I don’t care who said what.. The fact you chose to listen. The fact you chose not to speak to me, to sort things out is.. disappointing. I thought better of you. I really thought you were different. But you aren’t and the fact is you really don’t care that you aren’t.

The worst thing about this.. you knew you were going to disappoint me and you still chose to let it happen.

Thanks for making feel so fucking “important”.

your. eyes. light. yester-nights. no longer.

when you say “love you” at the end our conversations, even if you only mean it just as friends, it still melts my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Nobody says it to me like you do and no one means it like you do.

so, babe, I love you too.

Calling perth makes me feel happy all the time. It’s just knowing someone out there, overseas, loves you. That your presence is wanted and that someone is excited to see you.

The happiness and love I get is worth the expensive phone bills and air-tickets.

With technology, it’s so much convenient and easy to stay connected. You have social networking sites, online messengers, emails, smart phone applications. Even with a patchy internet connection, it is not impossible to keep in touch. It’s so easy now but sadly people still aren’t trying hard enough.

I appreciate that while my friends are miles away, existing in a totally different time zone, somehow we are still involved in each others’ lives. I find it strange how we take the people who are actually physically around for granted.

Sometimes we just need to care a little more.

Finally spoke to you properly the other day after 4 years. Even mich kept count. I am glad though and hopefully we get a good chat tomorrow night!

As for you, lunch was great! I am glad we got to talk things out and come to a consensus. I am grateful that we both desire to be better friends. You aren’t as bad as people made you out to be or perhaps you have changed. Either way, it’s actually nice to be able to sit down, talk and joke with you. I really hope the positive feelings are genuine and mutual! I think this chapter closed well for both of us.

Reconciliation is an awesome thing. I feel so much lighter and a lot happier. It’s like a huge burden got lifted off my shoulders. All the grudges, anger, indignation, negative emotions vanished. Gone! It’s awesome!

To a wonderful future with love and forgiveness. (:

Blessed!

You know it is true friendship when:

your friend buys a calling card specially just to call you from overseas and she decides to make it a point to call you every once in awhile just to check how you are.

your friend texts you everyday even thought she’s miles away, just to stay connected, despite the 12 hour time difference.

your colleague bothered to use a public phone to call just to check on you because he hasn’t seen you for a couple of days, as you’re working on different shifts, and he ran out of pre-paid credits.

your friend makes it a point to mention that she “doesn’t mind” just having dinner for two because she wants to be able to spend some quality time with you.

you meet up with a friend you haven’t seen in ages and it’s like she never left.

your friend puts up with your bordering on attention seeking disinterest in life, brings you home and forces you to play Smash Bros because he is the only one who knows how you are secretly a gaming freak. And it totally cheered you up cos you unlocked a new character (that he’s been trying to unlock but failed repeatedly) on your first try.

your friends don’t need a “good reason” to call or text and you don’t need a “good reason” to do the same. you can text the most random of things and they appreciate the fact you want to share that moment with them no matter how small.

your friend wants to have a meal or movie with you every weekend when he books out of camp.

your friends are willing to listen you whine about the same things over and over cos they know you’re the type who needs to keep talking about something until you get over it.

your friend would stop you mid-negative-thought so that you’d remember to be more positive.

your friends let you know they appreciate you, love you and would always be there for you. And they are confident you would do the exact same back.

I really thank God for showing me what true friendship is when I believed that I’m all alone. I am grateful He has placed these people in my life. These are the people who have proven to me that it’s not about physical distance but the willingness to take the effort to be there for each other.

If you truly love and care for someone, you would make the effort to show it. Actions speaks louder than words.

sometimes I wonder if I accept apologies too quickly. If I dish out forgiveness too easily despite not truly knowing if the apologies are genuine at the first place.

Singaporeans are too apologetic. We give out apologies like candy on Halloween. When do we truly mean it?

You apologised only for one half of the situation perhaps because you don’t know the full extent of the hurt you have caused or you don’t actually think much of your actions. You’re apologising but you don’t actually care if you’re granted forgiveness. You just want a peace of mind. You don’t actually care if the forgiveness given really cancels out all your faults.

with you, I allow things to slide easily partially because I know you would just resent me if I didn’t. You would view me petty and unreasonable when I’m not. Sometimes you are just plain insensitive. But the real reason why I forgive you so easily is because I love. I can’t stand to stay mad for long. Please don’t take advantage of that.

mean what you say and say what you mean because I come to you open and honest. please spare a thought for me too.