ramblings of one who thinks too much

I am tired and honestly rather high-strung.

So I did get an internship position I wanted. I hope it works out. Others seem skeptical but you know what? I don’t actually give a damn what they think. Prestigious or not, I secured this on my own and I know God would prosper whatever I do at this company cos He was the one who opened the doors to me at the first place. And my God is an AWESOME God! If He is for me, who can be against me?

Now it’s down to my final year project. I have kinda settled for a direction I wanna go into but I don’t know if I can pull it through and make it spectacular enough for a final year project. I am just not into working on huge impossible things. I wanna work on things that matter, things that can take shape, things that work for real. I don’t need to save the world and I don’t care if there is a need for a designer’s input. Self-indulgent or not, I am a designer and I want to make a difference. You might not think you need me, but after I am done, you might appreciate my input.

I will not be discouraged.

Doors will not close on me. If they do, I’d knock down a hole in the wall and make a door for myself. Nothing is going to stop me.

On a lighter note, it’s been awesome meeting up with people who matter once a week. I wonder why we never did this sooner. It’s great knowing these people are there and they got my back, sorta. Maybe this is why people like being in a cell group or church. It’s just knowing that there will be this group of people no matter what. Unfortunately, I do not trust. We might share the same “God” but that does not mean we’re family even though we’re suppose to be. Sad ain’t it? Ah well..

I guess this wasn’t such a quickie after all..

There are times I just sit around and ask myself that.

I don’t go to church, I hardly listen to christian songs anymore.

Sometimes, I even feel awkward when someone starts talking zealously about God or when they start singing christian songs around me. Sometimes I feel so burdened by it that I feel there’s a demon in me being exorcised as the words come out of their mouths.

Sometimes, I scoff at other christians.

But I still pray to Him every night and I do talk to Him, not all the time but I do. I believe He is around all the time. And when it feels right, I talk zealously about Him too because He holds all the answers. To me, I know He is real and that He is living. And I know in Him I can do all things and I am awesome because I have Him in me. I fear less because He is more powerful than anything in this world. If my God is for me, who can be against me?

I may not be ritualistic but I am religious. And I know my relationship with God is real. I might not be the best of the children, possibly even a black sheep but I know He loves me no matter what.

So yes, I am God’s child.

And the answer will always be yes, till the day I see His face.