Biggest shame trigger for men is the perceptions of weakness, for women it is failing at effortless perfection.
The place we need to start is that we need to support each other and that vulnerability is the path to each other, and the path to intimacy.
The more independent you are, in terms of your psychology, the more able you are at providing empathy.
The sense of worthiness is the key to showing up and being seen. Stop looking outside of yourself for external validation, own your own story, hold yourself accountable for your life, and trust in your own interpretations instead of trusting other people’s face value.
Empathy =/= Sympathy
Empathy drives connection, Sympathy drives disconnection.
Shame is a focus on self. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depressions, aggression, violence, suicide, bullying.
Guilt is a focus on behaviour. Guilt is inversely correlated with the above.
When you internalise shame, you can’t change. Because you believe that is who you are.
Communication =/= Connection
There is nothing more frightening than the moment we expose our ideas to the world. Author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown shows us how to deal with the critics and our own self-doubt by refusing to “armor up” and shut ourselves off. “Not caring what people think,” she says, “is its own kind of hustle.”
Instead we must “reserve a seat” for the critics and our own self-doubt. “Tell them, I see you, I hear you, but I’m going to do this anyway.”